Unfinished Musings. Part One.
I am known for not finishing anything. Okay, not all things, but most things. Like I always finish my plate, but maybe not a song on the piano.
I took piano lessons on and off when I was younger, probably two-three years altogether. For my dad, not much a talker or affection-giver, this was a story from his love language. He paid the extra bucks out of his long work week so that I can do something that I’ve been asking for a while. He was excited to give me something that he worked hard for. But he would come to find me in the living room, fumbling over the white and black, only learning a fourth or a third of a song until I got bored and started a new one.
Still, for some odd reason, he loved to show me off as a source of entertainment to visitors. He’d be sitting at the dining room table chattering to “Auntie” or “Uncle”, then I would hear him yell for me.
“Peeeeee-boh! Come to the sala [living room] and play for us.”
Hesitantly, I would come into the living room. I was a pretty shy child, and so I would timidly sit straight up on the piano bench as the guest Auntie or Uncle waited eagerly for my fingers to touch the keys.
Now, for the first song, I thought, 'Au Claire de la Lune', a simple French folk tune where I might or might not know ten or so bars. I could totally start with that.
And I would start the song. But not too long after finish, starting another simple tune. And then restart another. It did not take long for the visitors to catch on and start making remarks.
“Don’t you know any full songs?” asked my father.
I didn’t. So I take my sad hands off the keys and hang my head. My dad shakes his head.
“We have coffee and pandesal in the dining room,” my dad says defeated, heading back to their seats.
Moral of the story: I do not finish many things and sometimes it gets me into trouble.
This is not one of those times.
In my iPhone notes and in a variety of different journals, I have unfinished musings and thoughts. Brief snippets of different words and reminders that I have written and never completed because lack or time or shifting of moods… or I got bored. When I come back to them, I am either in a different mindset where I cannot complete them, or I have no idea what I was trying to say, but they are always too special to erase. So instead, I would like to share some of them with you all. Each entry is of different length. Sometimes an essay, sometimes a list, other times a sentence. The dates are inaccurate, as I leave them in their resting place and go back sometimes to remember or to edit them according to my current belief system. Either way, these are important to me.
So, this is what I am calling it: Unfinished Musings. Part One.
Here we go.
September 27, 2017 - What is sin?
Awareness of your actions, how they affect others and yourself.
Does it contribute or diminish others’ shalom?
Now, what does the Trinity value?
- The poor, the needy, the outcast
August 20, 2017 - But did I love today?
Did my words speak life and not death, forgiveness and not death, hope and not death?
Did I consistently and consciously give myself up to and for others?
Did I let down down my guard, release all my own power over them?
Were my resources, time treasure and talent, gifted to my neighbors or did I bar out of my own necessity?
Did I feed the hungry, clothe the poor, comfort the widow, heal the orphan, visit the prisoner, and welcome the foreigner?
But did I love today?
July 7, 2017
Our ability to love is shaped by our experience of love.
June 10, 2017 - A Prayer
I surrender to you.
I surrender my doubt and rest in Your remembrance.
I surrender my anxieties and rest in Your promises.
I surrender my doings and rest in Your doing.
I surrender my relationships and rest in Your intimacy.
I surrender my thoughts about myself and rest in the Identity You have given me.
I surrender my lies and rest in Your Truth.
I surrender my selfishness and rest in Your grace.
For You have created me holy, and I surrender every part of myself that I hold on to.
For I am weary and I am burdened, let me take Your yoke and let me learn from You. For You are gentle and You take care of my heart. You will give me rest for my soul.
I surrender every part of my being and rest in the beauty of who You are and I can gain You. I want You, more than I want anything else.
Let me surrender daily, let me make every effort to enter into that rest.
You are my Sabbath Rest.